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The 7-Day Marriage Makeover

If someone offered you a way to take your marriage to a new level in one week without having to spend a dime to make it happen, would you be willing to give it a shot? Literally, you’ve got nothing to lose! It obviously takes more than seven days to fully transform a marriage, but I’m convinced that it’s just enough time to completely change the course and climate of your relationship in a positive way. Here’s how…

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Admit it, you know you want matching tee shirts too! You can get your own “I heart my hot husband/wife” shirts here.

THE 7-DAY CHALLENGE (4 daily actions for 7 consecutive days):

If you’ll commit to do these four things every day for a week, you’ll have a completely new direction in your marriage by the week’s end. For ongoing marriage-building tools and tips, you can connect with me on twitter by clicking here and subscribe to our email list at the top of this page for a free marriage ebook download.

1. Make love everyday.

If this is the only thing you do, your marriage will still be stronger in a week. It takes more than sex to make a healthy marriage, but it’s impossible to have a healthy marriage without it. Sex is a powerful force that will help you reconnect on a physical, emotional and spiritual level.

For more on creating a more vibrant sex life, you can Get a free sneak peak at our new video series “Best Sex Life Now” here.

2. Pray together every night. 

This one might freak you out a little bit, but I’m convinced that prayer is one of the most intimate and important acts a couple can do together. Even if you’ve never done it before, pray together daily (out loud). Thank God for all the good in your life. Pour out your heart to your Creator in front of your spouse and you’ll connect with each other, and with God, on a new level.

3. Say nothing negative. 

For one solid week, you’re not allowed to say anything negative or demanding. If you don’t have something positive to say, don’t say it. Get out of the habit of negativity and nagging. When you slip up on this one, your spouse is allowed to call you out and you’ve got to immediately apologize and follow up with saying three kind things about your spouse. This might sound childish, but you’ll be amazed at how it can change the tone of your words and your relationship.

4. Spend one hour in conversation while all electronics are turned off.

We live in a world where it’s possible to be in the same room but in different worlds. You can’t have a meaningful conversation with your spouse while you’re texting with someone, watching TV, and working on your laptop. For at least one hour each night, after the kids are asleep, turn off the TV and all electronics and have conversation. Maybe you’ve forgotten how to do it, but you’ll pick it back up quickly. Talk about your day, your hopes, your dreams and anything else that comes to your mind. That seven hours of uninterrupted conversation over the course of the week will be fuel for your marriage!

For more tips and tools to strengthen your marriage, please check out our bestselling book iVow: Secrets to a Stronger Marriage which is now also available on iTunes as an ebook download on iPhones, iPads and all Apple devices.

You can also check out our free video series on The 4 Pillars of a Strong Marriage:

 

18 thoughts on “The 7-Day Marriage Makeover


  1. Alisha

    Will this work if you are separated from ur husband? We r still in contact and he says we r working on things, but there is another woman living with him who says she loves him and he says he cares for her but doesn’t love her. He says he wants me to stop being so negative so things can get back right between us but how can I not be negative when I know she is there everyday sleeping in the bed with him. Even tho he says he has only slept with her twice. He says he doesn’t do any cuddling or anything like that and that she is more of a friend that is good company. They don’t argue because they don’t have 14 years of marriage and two kids. Of course they don’t have anything to argue about. It’s all new. What do I do? How can I stop being negative and show him I can be the person he fell in love with, while she is there and I know he sees me and then goes back to her. It hurts so bad. Please help.

    Reply

    1. Brittany

      Alisha, my name is Brittany and my heart goes out to you any your husband. I don’t usually leave replies on websites with my personal opinion, but I felt in my heart that maybe I should this time. You asked if this column would help and how you can you NOT be negative given the current circumstances. Well I will admit to you that I have no children nor do I have as much time committed to my marriage as you do, but I believe that (though it’s portrayed as delicate and fragile) love is strong and is a force not to be reckoned with. For a start, propose this column to your husband; you stated that he still wanted to work things out. That is your beacon of hope in the dense fog of uncertainty, that is the flame of your marriage still burning and yearning to grown. Secondly, pray. It may seem simple, but it is truly a powerful thing. Lastly, forgive. Even though it may seem he does not deserve your forgiveness, if you truly forgive him for the things he has done in the past you will have true peace within yourself. This will seem extremely hard but keep in mind that Christ died for us so that we will have a place with him in heaven, and even in that we defy him in our lives but when we simply ask he forgives us no questions or accusations. None of us deserve his forgiveness but he gives it anyway because he loves us. Trust God and tender your heart, he can calm the sea when the storm is raging.


    2. amanda gardner

      It sounds to me like he is just playing games. He is stringing you both along. I would focus on your children and yourself. If he wants to be part of your family then he will be. He can’t have both women. That’s insane. Good luck. I’d personally file for divorce.


  2. Stephanie

    Alisha,

    He is not being a husband that is not how a husband behaves. He’s sleeping with her and then you? Think about your health you have two children to take care of. You deserve better it sounds like you are doing everything. Start taking care of yourself and your children because he surely isn’t. If you both want to work things out he needs to cut all ties with this women and focus on working on your marriage.

    Reply

  3. Cheryl

    Alisha, it will be hard to forgive him for the other woman while he is still with her. You can give your anger and pain to God but until he gives her up you can not go forward. He is being selfish to expect you to change when he is with her. If he truely wants to work it out he needs to change. His infidelity is not your fault. Your negativity is what you need to work on, for yourself and your children. He needs to work on his selfishness and deceit. I am not a professional but I have been married for over thirty years, raised four kids and have had a failed relationship before this one. Marriage is a partnership. You both put in 100%. It isn’t always even, life is never “fair”. You treat each other better than you would a stranger or acquaintance ( seldom the case in our society). There are always problems, you have to face the world together, united, unbreakable.
    You can fix this but it will take both of you, not just you.

    Reply

  4. CLC

    Alisha,
    I can relate to everything that your experiencing. I’ve been married for 22 yrs with 2 children and my husband and I went through the same thing. I asked my husband why he did what he did and he said to gain approval from his father, he father was a big influence in his life. He needed that male figure in his life and never got it, as sad as it may sound our MARRIAGE was stronger than ever because I gave him the understanding and support he needed and didn’t care about the other women. Your husband know what a good women you are and the last thing he wants to do is hurt you. There’s something that he’s dealing with but don’t want to open up and say what’s on his mind. Until your husband can overcome what’s weighing him down he will always run for the one he loves to be with someone who barely know him. He could care less about hurting her but he’s doing everything to protect you and his children. I wish you all the luck, but NEVER stop LOVING and GIVING the LOVE and SUPPORT that he’s use to receiving for the women he chose to say I DO with.

    Reply

  5. Alicia

    Tell your husband you are willing to work things out… But there’s only room for two in your marriage. The third party must go. If he’s willing and doesn’t love her, he will end it and remove her from his life.

    Reply

  6. Pamela R.

    hi my name is Pam, I have been torn between wanting to work my relationship out or leaving. I love my husband like no other. being a combined family and 7 kids we have struggled to make it work. after being together for the last 6 years married for the last 4, we have had so many ups and downs already even to the point of separation a year ago, in which we just reconciled. Things are nowhere near what they used to be. I ask myself why I stay in this relationship when both of us have endeared abuse in more ways then one. I am no angel nor will I ever claim to be. I have my flaws, I’ve made my mistakes. I’ve asked for forgiveness. sometimes I feel like we’re just wasting each others time. I ask myself why I can’t walk away from him.? Is it love? Is it convenience? Am I here for the kids sake? Does he really truly love me? Why doesn’t he trust me? Is it too late? I feel as if I’ve tried this method,with no prevail. Is that my answer do I walk away now?

    Reply

  7. Riki

    Alisha, I’m in the same situation you are in. I’ve been married for almost 32 years and my husband decided to go find what was going to make him happy and moved into “her” house. We tried to go to counseling until he lost his job 5 weeks into his happiness. Now our communication is very limited. I still believe that he is lost right now. I’m trying very hard to give him space to figure things out. I pray, a LOT !! Stay the course and walk in faith, remember, God already knows the ending. As much as I want to skip to the last page in the book of my life and see how it ends, I know I have a lot to learn on this journey so I can’t skip ahead. Prayers for you as you walk on this journey !!!

    Reply

  8. AJ

    Alicia

    I am so sorry that you are going through this. There is no way that you can work on your marriage when you are not living in the same house, especially when he is living with another woman. He is blaming you, and allowing you to carry the guilt he has, by telling you its your fault, your negativity.

    If he truly wants to work on the marriage, he has to remove her from his life. Don’t stop loving him, try and remove the negativity, but more so, pray and pray again. Not only for him, but yourself. Allow God to come in and change you. You can’t change your husband, only God can. Pray that your husbands heart is opened to the hurt he is causing you, open to see that he is not being a Godly husband, and he is putting his selfishness in front of his wife and children.

    My prayers are with you and your husband!!!

    Reply

  9. Morgan

    I don’t think this has to do with you being negative. People that are married go through a lot. What I would do if this is possible for you two financially is to go on a trip together. I would leave every problem and every worry and forget what he has done wrong at the house and go on a romantic get away… if it goes well I would tell him he needs to pick who he wants or he is going to lose you… if he picks her just go with it… and he might come back realizing that he actually can lose you… even if its not true you need to make sure he thinks he could. Guys always want what they can’t have and they don’t appreciate women until they are gone.
    Another way to get his attention is just making his favorite dinner. Use the good qualities in yourself that the other women doesn’t have. Sex is also the way to a man heart but be careful since he has been with that other women… don’t give him every good quality about yourself leave some for when he comes back in your arms. If this works don’t get on to him for that other girl just let it go…. I wouldn’t give up just yet. Praying for you honey!

    Reply

  10. Emily

    Ok. Help this……. I’ve been married for 18 years with 2 children and an abusive husband that drinks, not constantly, but pretty much any chance he can, and then loves to fight with me and/or the kids.
    He constantly talks me down, and brings up things, from the past. He loves to fight. But then other days, can be sweet and loving. Not that I want it.
    I’m not proud to admit, but I did have an affair with another man for 18 months. It just ended September 25th. I’m in love with this man, but it is over and I’m going absolutely insane as he is dating another woman I just found out.
    So I’m trying to deal with losing much, the love of my life, now back to this husband.
    He never knew I cheated but suspected. But I always, denied.
    Do I try to make this marriage work??????
    I’m in love with someone else who, is now dating another and I’m trying to decide if I should try to work it out with my husband.
    The two men were absolute black and white differences.… .
    The husband is totally annoying, but provides for the family and us genuinely deep down a good man.
    I know I’m a horrible person for what I’ve done… I admit it.
    But should I try to salvage and save my marriage and family or just move on. I love my husband, just not in love with him.
    I’m constantly thinking about the boyfriend. I can’t get over him because I still love him so much.
    I am in such a mess, I have no clue what to do!?!?!

    Reply

    1. dave willis Post author

      Emily, thank you for sharing your story. If your marriage is going to survive (which is can) you and your husband need a new beginning. You both need to be fully committed to each other and to the marriage. I’d encourage you to check out http://www.SaveMyMarriage.com to help you get started.


  11. RICHARD CURTIS

    We are into our 13 year of marriage and this sounds like something good to try and get us back on track so we are all in

    Reply

  12. Candi

    Ladies! I want to let you know that if you both are truly in love it will work out. Ive been married for 15 years this year 3 children, and I just turned 34. My husband went though his “crazy” phase about 5 years ago. He met another woman and divorced me but we were still in very close contact. It was like someone ripped my heart out and I wanted to DIE.. As someone mentioned in a post before her husband did same thing but it was an issue he was dealing with him self that made him “go crazy” and find someone else. that is what my husbands problem was, he was dealing with his own personal demon and I couldn’t help.. Long story short if you both love your family and are not selfish enough to put your self first you can make it work. We both still loved each other and wanted to make it work out but we loved our family more. I am glad to say 5 years later a new baby boy has been added ( he was my apology gift lol ) we are together and stronger then ever.
    There is still a lot of hurt there on both parts that will not go away anytime soon but I TRULY believe love conquers all. Our families think we are NUTS for staying together after everything we have gone through (there is even more!). We have been together since we were 14, met in middle school, shortly after he moved 2 doors down from me. He is my highschool sweet heart and, he was lucky enough to marry the girl next door… :)
    I know it hurts bad. My advise try not to embarrass your self (I did, my only mistake) Look fabulous when you do know he will be around. Always be positive when your with him and when your not. Last of all Pray, pray your heart out.
    Good Luck

    Reply

  13. monika

    My whole story…..
    a girl of small town had her first love in age of 16(mar 2003) and break up in age of 18(mar 2005).
    then a family frnd came in my life in dec 2006, and told me abt his love and crush for me and told me that he is ready to accept me even wen he know abt me…
    i was very happy but the starting with him was not gud, sometime very rude to me… still i was working in the hope that someday we will be very happy. then i got admission in MSc. (aug 2008)… and joined there. our chemistry was that much bad that he never come to meerut to meet me, all the cards i made for him were wastage of time, i was not happy but could not leave him bcoz i was very weak. then i tried to engage myself with one frnd and to come out of this relationship but he told me that i m characterloose, and i was so much effected by his remarks that i convinced him that i m not, i love him and i was still in love with him… he was refusing to marry me but i said no, either u marry me or i will suicide… he married me(may 2010) but the conditions after marriage were more worst, now the break up word was changed in divorce… which i was facing from the 3rd day of my marriage… and in the 3rd mnth of our marriage we were in court for divorce but i refused… things were going in the same way… he knew that i was for him only but his angerness was increasing day by day and my love was fading… then he started beating me with hands and legs and all on 19th july 11, it was the first time but not the last… and then i thought that baby will change the situation… and i planned for the baby… and in the same scenario i became the proud mum of a cute son… but the chemistry of my husband and me was still bad bad bad…. and after that i was independently living in hostel in 2013-14 for studies, got my confidence, feel myself and feel for my life… i decided to end this, discussed this with some frnds and decided to tell abt it to my parents and planned for divorce. but as i revealed this to my parents he started convincing them that i m characterloose… and surprisingly they r convinced, they r convinced that i left his home not for PhD but for extra marital affairs and prostitution… they r reported abt my night outs and all but its not true.
    here i am residing with a frnd(female) in 1 bhk… not a single night out we have.. she know all these things and suggesting me to concentrate on my studies..
    but my parents had given me two choices…
    either leave ur son and break all the relations with everyone… or leave ur PhD and stay here…
    if i will go back to him, my life will be very very tough… physical, mental harassment will be the only thing i will face there but if i don’t return i have to leave my son…
    my son needs me… he use his father’s phone and wen asked wat is he doing he tell them… mumma se mumma se…
    Now i have to Decide everything or my son…
    I m of 27 and absolutely alone at this stage…
    suggestions invited….

    Reply

    1. dave willis Post author

      I’m praying for you! Your son needs you. Don’t give up on him. I’m praying God would provide for you in every way.

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